Today was an emotionally draining day. Jacob once again cried all morning before school, but I told him that he wasn't going to stay home this time. And that put him over the edge...he totally fell apart. I pretty much had to push him out the car door and walk his sobbing body up to the fence. It was so hard watching him wander aimlessly around the playground, trying to hide his tears while waiting for the bell to ring.
I called his teacher and stopped in to talk to Mrs. Hoffman about him in hopes that they could help him deal with how he was feeling or at least help them understand why his face was so swollen. They both comforted me and told me they would keep an eye on him and both were concerned that he was feeling so awful.
I got a call around lunch time from his teacher telling me that he was still pretty weepy and he had gone down to the nurse before heading to the cafeteria, but she was hoping that he would perk up soon. I got another call around two o'clock only this time it was the nurse telling me that Jacob had been to her office 4 times complaining of his stomach hurting, and it was up to me what I wanted to do about it. After talking with him and going back and forth for about 5 minutes I told him that I would come pick him up.
When he got home I had him go rest on his bed where he fell asleep and stayed that way for 2 hours. With how late he's been up crying, I'm sure he was exhausted and a nap was probably the best thing for him. But tonight at dinner he started to get emotional again. It never turned into the uncontrollable crying, but anytime he thought about going to school he puckered up and got tears in his eyes.
Jason and I spent a good chunk of time visiting with him tonight and questioning why he was feeling the way he has been. He can't tell us (or maybe he won't tell us, but I'm really hoping that's not the case) what it is that's making him so sad it's just that he likes to be home. He also says that his stomach hurts really bad, but he doesn't know how it is hurting or why it does. I have no doubt that his stomach is hurting, but I think that he is doing it to himself with all of his worrying. Plus he hasn't eaten hardly anything in the past 4 days because his emotional breakdowns come at breakfast and dinner time.
I feel so lost. I can't for the life of me figure out what is going on with him, and it makes me feel like the biggest failure of a mother. I remember crying my way through a day of 2nd and 3rd grade, but I was able to snap out of it. This has totally changed Jacob. He doesn't laugh or joke around. He isn't silly or obnoxious. He hasn't even talked about football really. He finally mentioned something to Jason today about Denver signing a new corner back, but that's been it. Denver is playing for the AFC championship in 5 days for crying in the night. Usually he would be driving me crazy with non-stop chatter and old game watching and sign making, but instead he just lies around with a sad look on his face and tears flow at the drop of a hat. I even suggested that he invite a friend over to play today and he turned down that offer.
Tomorrow he is supposed to go on a field trip to Billings. I don't know what I am going to do about that. I keep going back and forth in my mind. Maybe he will have a fun time with his friends hanging out on the bus and this will help him snap out of it and get back into the swing of things. Or he will be worried even more because he is in Billings and I couldn't just swing by and pick him up if his stomach was hurting him again. I guess I will see how he is doing in the morning and take it from there.
I wish things were back to normal, and I could just get up and pack his lunch and stick a couple of little extra goodies in to surprise him with to let him know I was thinking about him while he was away. Instead I will either be worrying myself sick that he is up there sad and lonely and aching to be home. Or I will be worrying myself sick because he stayed home from school once again, and he hasn't made any progress in feeling better about school. Being a mother is hard.
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